im a liar.

i lie. i made use of one problem to cover up for another issue. i am so despicable, low-down and pathetic. i think i need to run away again. and i realised that countries wont work anymore. because what is on my mind stays on my mind even if im away. and i'll just want to come back. only to want to leave again. and i don't think i can stand that kind of life. so i think i shld go far far far away. far far far away is open to interpretation. i dont think i want to talk to you, and i realised that you dont want to talk to me either. that thought went thru my mind once, and killed me. this thought came back today, and i guess, i can't say it didnt kill me but i think i've accepted the deadend we've arrived at. it is my fault, really. no, i dont mean that. i dont think i shld be blamed wholly, but i accept that it is my fault. you prob dont care and dont read, anyway. i think i'm gg to die from disappointment and this lacklustre life that cannot withstand the dashes of hopes and letdowns of expectations is eating away every single bit of me. it gnaws. and i feel the pain. but the pain keeps me alive. for now, at least. i'm trapped in every single vicious cycle imaginable, and i'm gg to lose my mind soon. one day, i'm gg to disappear. one day. i cannot wait for that day to come. things that dont happen stay in my mind. things that you dont do rips me apart.

i am shutting this blog down. im not lying abt this.

enlightment!

which comes first?

the ultimate chicken-and-egg question that i've heard for the past 1 hr boils down to whether the rule of law is needed for economic devt, or is economic devt the fundamental requirement for the flourishing of the rule of law?

well,
let me present my view.

i love to eat both chicken and egg. love.

this, of course, as all philosophical questions, will defintely lead us to another question: how do i like to eat my chicken/egg?

i want them fried, or grilled. and even though i cannot fry chicken, i can buy fried chicken, so i wanna eat fried chicken now! i can fry eggs tho! im so proud of my egg-frying skills.

so regarding the chicken or egg problem...who cares? so long as they are both edible.

i dont think im meant for law.

you're keeping me up.

im obviously not over it.

sorry.

i guess after facing up to it and admitting it, it's much more easier to get over it.

and sorry for all tt outburst.
im just being an irritating bitch.
so maybe, this calls for the shutting down of this random outlet.

fucking friendless.

right now, i have 60 online souls on my msn.
and none i can call to cry to.

i need

someone who feels and cares for me. someone to actually stand up for me. someone who understands what exactly is going through my mind and is concerned enough to march up to me, make me talk and make me cry. all i need is a friend. a friend who cares. i admit that the absence of such extreme act is my fault. i don't talk to people when im sad. and no one is psychic anyway. who, on this earth, will have an inkling about when i go all moody and emo? if that person exists, i shall marry that person immediately. regardless of gender. besides, i probably give the impression that i'm fierce, independent and utterly unbreakable, and to make things worse, i pobably encourage that mindset. i refuse to appear vulnerable nor fragile. i do not cry in front of people, and keep mum about whats bothering me. i built up this wall sub-consciously and now i realised that i have absolutely no idea how to break out of it. so, my blog is sad. i sound all depressed and melancholic. and i do not have an explanation as to why im so sad. i know why i am, but i highly doubt i'll be telling anyone soon. maybe, sub-consciously, im telling myself to be sad. who knows.

fun fact of the day!

do you know!!!!!

that malaysia has a king?

i bet you didnt!

death is spelt a,t,c,g. and b-i-o-l-o-g-y.

but its okay.
the world is saved cos the cute guy came back into my life.
he dropped law, gov and devt in asia.
to take up ocean law.
HAHAHA.
life.
this is yuan fen.

bye bye mabel leong.
please please come back in one piece.